


these moments

by mumblingmaria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Cunnilingus, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:30:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9509096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: Kanan and Hera are comfortable together. After all the years of working and fighting side by side, it would be surprising if they weren't. They know where they stand together and they know just how deeply they love each other. But it wasn't always so comfortable and straight forward.





	

It was the first time in awhile. Kanan for once wouldn’t be lying if he were to say he couldn’t remember the last time they had slept together. The Rebellion, as they had promised each other, had come first. They were put on hold. They fought and they worked and they took care of their family. Any of their limited chances to breathe were used to take the time needed to look after themselves on their own. It had been so long since he held her without worry. 

She was lying on top of him in his bed. A rare moment of stillness for her. Hera was always moving; constantly making sure that everything was running smoothly. The Rebellion felt like it was in full throttle now with their missions growing in number more and more. When was the last time Kanan saw Hera pause, let alone sleep more than a few hours at a time? But here she was, relaxed and open. She hummed as the warmth from his skin moved into her. He ran his index finger lazily along one of her lekku, savouring the feel of her skin. Kanan constantly thanked everything and anything he could for these moments.

She shifted, her bare chest moving against his. He could feel every place their bodies were connected. He longed for these occasions of intimacy between them. Kanan eagerly took these chances to relearn her body whenever he could, though there never seemed to be enough time. He wanted to know her fully again. (She laughed the first time he told her this after Malachor, the first time he was ready to give himself to her. It had been good to hear her laugh again.)

He switched from one lek to the other, tracing Hera’s name against her sensitive skin. It was an absent-minded thing he did, he often caught himself tracing mid-letter. Hera propped her chin up on his chest as he wrote, the point of it pressing delightfully into him. “Love…” she whispered, the word sending a shiver down his spine. She could say any word in the galaxy and Kanan was sure he’d crumble at her feet.

Kanan knew she was going to move to lie next to him soon, but she was going to stubbornly lie there as long as she could. This wasn’t the first time they wound up in this position. Their first time had ended up like this, though there was a lot more talking then than there was now. He hadn’t thought about that night in a long time. He tried hard to not focus on the past, on their past; it was filled with unreachable memories, of long lost realities. 

Suddenly, a thought sprang into Kanan’s mind. He lifted his head up so she could get a good look at his face. “Was it an accident?”

Hera shifted, lifting her own head slightly. He assumed she was opening her eyes to study him and Kanan regretted the question.

With the desire for sleep weighing her voice down, Hera asked, “Was what an accident?”

“Forget I said anything,” Kanan whispered. He raised himself up slightly to kiss her forehead, gently running a hand down a lekku. “Go to sleep, ignore me.”

“No, now I’m curious,” she stated. He could hear the energy coming into her voice— _that_ voice—making this a losing battle for him. 

He sighed and rubbed his scarred eyes. “Hera, honestly…”

She poked his nose, hard, and said, “You have to tell me.”

Kanan sighed again and Hera poked him again. He knew he would just have to give into her will. He always did. 

“Was it an accident, our first time together?” he asked.

•

The moon of Rion they were on was easily one of the most beautiful places Kanan had visited. There was a warm breeze that was welcomed after weeks on the _Ghost_ ; the tropical climate was a nice change of pace. They earned a chance to be somewhere nice for once.

Kanan was glad that Hera had finally chosen a mission that brought them somewhere that was actually nice. He was beyond tired of the past year of the same old boring spaceports that they frequented. 

(“Boring old spaceports?” She had asked a few months into their partnership, standing behind him. She had been patching up his shoulder, placing a bacta patch over a fairly deep cut. 

“Yes! I’ve done brawls at spaceports more times than I can count! Show me some real excitement, Captain!” Kanan had exclaimed, gesturing out too roughly which had caused him to wince. 

“Boring old spaceports,” Hera had laughed wonderfully.)

It was a simple mission; just dropping off some encrypted data to someone Kanan hadn’t bothered learning the name of. He knew Hera was still cautious about how much he learned of each mission despite his complete enthusiasm in helping her in her work now. It didn’t bother him—Kanan was fine playing by her rules. But with the quick success, they had time to kill before they needed to look for another job. So Hera decided why not take a break for a day or two and get to enjoy themselves on the moons of Rion. When would that opportunity come up again?

They had spent the day wandering around, from shop to shop and from one tourist attraction to the next. Kanan wasn’t sure if he had ever had the chance to be tourist before. He was confident Hera was in the same boat. They were foreigners to this way of living. He loved it. He could imagine a future like this for them. Well, for him. Hera would never settle for this lifestyle.

Hera was where he had left her. They had stopped at a look out point over the ocean surrounding the city they were staying in. She was looking at her datapad when he got back.

“I thought we were taking a break,” Kanan said as he approached the bench she was seated at. 

“We are,” she called back, putting the datapad away. “I wasn’t looking at work, promise.”

He chuckled as he shook his head. Moving around the bench, Kanan handed her one of the cups of caf he gone to get them. She thanked him then eyed the cup. He plopped down right next to her and sipped his own caf.

“Is this all you have to offer?” Hera asked, a smirk on her face. 

“Come on, Hera, you know you like what I have to offer,” Kanan replied with a wink. Sometimes a line would slip out of him, either because she egged him into saying it or it just came out naturally. Always empty and they both knew it. He had stopped deliberately flirting about a month after joining her on the _Ghost_. Hera raised an eyebrow and held her hand out to him. Laughing, Kanan lifted his hips to dig his hand into his pants’ pocket. He revealed three packets of sugar and placed them on the open palm. “See? I told you that you like what I have to offer.”

She nudged his shoulder with hers before adding the sugar to her drink. Kanan rested his left arm along the back of the bench and behind Hera as the breeze from the ocean washed over them. They drank their caf in comfortable silence.

After awhile, Kanan placed his cup down on the bench and stretched his arms above his head. As he readjusted his shirt, he peered over to Hera. Her eyes were forward and a faint, relaxed smiled lit her face up. 

“I’m glad the mission was a success,” Kanan said, and draped his arm behind her again. 

“We make a pretty good team,” she said, smiling at him.

“I didn’t do very much this time.”

Hera shrugged and leaned back into the bench. Her shoulder blades pressed into Kanan’s arm. He sucked a breath in and turned his attention back to the water. His thumb brushed lightly against her arm. 

“In general though, we do make a good team,” Hera said, apparently uncaring of the closeness between them. “You definitely make things easier for me, now.”

“Only now?”

“Well, you weren’t exactly the most helpful to my work when you first came aboard,” she laughed, turning into him slightly. She poked his chest and Kanan left a deep ‘oof’. “You were constantly in my face, you criticized all my habits, and you and Chopper constantly fought!”

“In my defence, Chopper did try his hardest to kill me the first week I was there,” Kanan laughed. He took her accusatory hand into his, folding her finger back in. “But I’ll admit, I was an ass at the beginning.”

“He likes you now,” Hera said. She didn’t move away from Kanan’s hold. He could have sworn she sunk into it a little. “Well, he likes you more.”

“So, we’ve been together a year now, strictly as partners,” he started. His thumb was now drawing circles on her arm. “Anyway regrets taking this roughneck on?”

“I miss how I had things organized.”

“Ha, organized.”

“I miss not being undermined,” she grumbled. 

Kanan squeezed her shoulder. “You had Chopper before me.”

Hera let out a sigh and stood up. “Maybe I do have regrets,” she said, staring at the ocean with an overdone longing on her face. Kanan grinned up at her, enjoying how the ocean and sky played against her green skin. She looked back at him and reached out. “Come on, bucko. Time to get dinner.”

He took her hand and let her pull him up. Kanan grabbed their empty cups to throw away as she led the way back to their hotel. He walked a few steps behind her, watching her. He tried not to focus on the tightness in his chest she caused. It didn’t help that this feeling was a constant since Hera was always around. Kanan had spent a countless number of nights since joining her trying to convince himself that what he was feeling wasn’t love. It was just that they had a strong bond. They trusted each other completely and they just worked well together. He didn’t deny that he was attracted to her—that much was obvious to both of them. But that’s all it was. Attraction and trust. 

He kept walking, lost in thought, when he had to come to an abrupt stop. A short wall of green had appeared in his path. He looked down and met Hera’s eyes. “Yes?” he asked, trying to keep his cool.

“I was asking what you might want to get for dinner,” Hera said, crossing her arms. They were near the hotel now and it’s clear she had been trying to get his attention for a bit too long. She grabbed his chin and pulled his face down. He followed willingly. “Are you okay in there?”

Kanan grinned and pushed the thoughts out of his head, for now. He turned Hera in the direction they had been heading and slung his arm over her shoulders. “I’m great,” he answered and started walking again. 

Hera rolled her eyes and shrugged out of his hold. They spent the rest of the walk to the hotel debating on what to eat. In the end Kanan got to choose, mostly because Hera didn’t care. She would be fine eating the most basic rations the rest of her life. 

Kanan grabbed the food for them to take up to the rooms. Neither of them felt like eating in the hotel’s restaurant. They had gotten used to their having their meals one on one. They made their way up to Hera’s room, Kanan’s was further down the hall, and settled in for the evening.

Hera kicked her boots off and Kanan placed their food on the small table in the room. It wasn’t a large room; they couldn’t afford to stay in luxury even just for a night. But they had decided that just once it would be okay to stay in something a little nicer than a cantina. 

Hera took her plate and sat cross-legged on the bed as she ate. Kanan decided to lean against the table. They ate in silence. It wasn’t often that they spoke while they ate. It gave them a chance to tap out of the day and just exist together.

A sound from one of the datapads Hera had brought with her pulled both of them out of the comfortable world of relaxation. She pulled it over to her, placing her half finished food on the ground. Kanan sighed as she began to read the message sent to her. He knew she’d be too occupied with what was sent to finish eating, he was used to the numerous unfinished meals she discarded on a daily basis. Walking over to the bed to retrieve the plate, he cleaned up their dinner before making his way to the door.

“Kanan, wait,” Hera called after him. He turned and saw she had a hand reaching out to him though her attention still seemed glued to the datapad. “It’s a new job for us. I need you to read it over so I can delete the message now.”

Kanan crossed the room to the bed in three long strides. He placed a knee on the bed behind Hera and leaned over her shoulder to see the datapad. With a hand in between her shoulder blades to keep his balance, he read the information for the next mission.

He whistled when he finished. Hera proceeded to delete the message. “That’s going to be a tough one. It’s a good thing you have me here to make things easier for you.” 

She turned to look at him and he found that their faces were _close_. Kanan gulped, staring into the brightest green he had ever came across in the galaxy. He felt her gaze freeze him in place. He blinked to try to break the spell on him. It was her swallowing a little too loudly that gave him his self-control back. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, pulling away. 

Then Hera surprised him. No, she completely changed his world. Reaching up and taking his face in her hands to pull him down closer, Hera Syndulla kissed Kanan Jarrus. 

Kanan jumped back, landing roughly on the other side of the bed. He stared at Hera, eyes wider than he could ever remember them being. It took a lot at this point to surprise him. Neither of them spoke for what felt like an eternity. Kanan wasn’t completely sure what his face looked like, but Hera’s was starting to get flushed; her cheeks were turning to a very deep green. 

“I’m sorry!” she said. She stood up and walked over to the now empty table. She kept her back turned to him, but Kanan could see the tension in her body. Her shoulders were hunched as she gripped the side of the table. “I shouldn’t have done that. We agreed, at my request, that we would be strictly professional. I shouldn’t have just… I must have misread this. With this moon and the ocean and just everything today. I’m sorry, that was a mistake it won’t happen again.”

As she rambled, Kanan stood and walked over to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder to turn her. She looked up at him. Her face was so green. Kanan wondered if he would ever see her this flushed again (he kind of hoped he would). He smiled down at her and rested his other hand on that burning cheek. He gently placed his lips across hers and he felt more than heard a small gasp leave her. Pulling his mouth away, he wrapped his arms around her. Hera rested her cheek against his now steady chest, her arms snaking around his waist. 

“You didn’t misread anything,” Kanan whispered. “I was just surprised. Surprised in a very good way.”

Hera chuckled and pulled back, searching his face. 

“So, Captain Hera, what do you want?” he asked, mischief in his eyes. He soaked in her presence, enjoying the moment.

Her blush started to fade as she held his gaze. “Something simple. I think, and I hope you agree, I think it would be okay if we did something casual. It wouldn’t be anything more than just sex. There’s obviously something between us, so why not act on it a bit. We can stop anytime and we don’t allow it to get in the way of what we do.” Kanan chuckled. She was so practical about this. Of course Hera would make the offer of casual sex sound like a business agreement. He loved that. Hera raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to?” 

“Oh, I definitely want to,” he answered. He pulled her up against him, their hips connecting with a hand at the small of her back. Her hands moved to his neck. “But are you sure? You know if we do this, we can’t take it back. It’s going to change things.” 

Kanan felt a sudden tightness in his gut at his words. He didn’t pay it any mind. He was just excited, and a little nervous. Kanan ignored the thought and wish of something more; nothing would ever come from wanting more. It wasn’t anything serious, just a moment that would pass. 

“I’m the one that initiated this, of course I’m sure,” Hera said, rolling her eyes. She raised herself onto her tiptoes, her mouth almost touching his. Her breath made him shiver with anticipation. “Are you sure?”

He grinned down at her before crashing his lips against hers. Kanan felt the heat surge through them both, setting his body on fire. Their grip tightened on each other, pulling the other in as close as they could.

The kiss was desperate. It was wetter than Kanan thought it would be, their teeth clashed more, it was everywhere. He slipped his tongue out into her mouth and a soft moan passed from her to him.

Hera pulled away, her breath quicker. She grinned as she moved her hands down from his neck and across his chest. She tugged at the bottom of his sweater and shirt, pulling them out from his pants. Kanan’s hands began to travel across her body. They moved along her hips and up her sides. He brought them to her face again before unhooking the goggles from her flight cap. 

He leaned down to kiss her again quickly before turning his attention to her flight cap. He felt along it to find how to release her from it. She laughed and said, “Here, let me help.” She reached up and soon they had the cap off and resting on the table. Kanan let this new look from Hera sink in. He had imagined her without the cap on before, without anything on before, but he hadn’t quite pictured it perfectly. With this new level of intimacy shared between them, he was glad it wasn’t what he had pictured. This was so much better. 

Running a hand along one of her lekku, he felt it send a shiver through her body. He raised his eyebrows and grinned. “So, it’s true about lekku?” He ran his hand along it again and the Twi’lek pinched his arm, rolling her eyes at him. “Good to know.” Kanan lifted the end of the lek and raised it to his lips. He kissed the tip with more tenderness than he meant to give up. He watched Hera intently as he did so. She moved her hand up his arm to his shoulder, squeezing him.

Kanan kissed her again. He was never going to get tired of kissing her. He was excited to kiss more of her. His hands moved down to her hips. He deepened the kiss as Hera started to push up the shirts she had loosened. There was a back and forth between them as Kanan continued to kiss her while she tried to pull the shirts up more and off. Finally, the man gave in and broke the kiss to allow her the remove the garments in question.

Hera lightly ran her gloved fingers across his chest. He smiled down at her and took her hands in his. He pulled the gloves off and then laced his fingers through hers. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment before laughing. They had crossed a line. Kanan thought it was going to be a more serious act but right now all he could think of was that he was shirtless in front of Hera. Hera, the woman who found him and saved him. He had wanted this for so long now and all he could do was laugh. Hera leaned up to kissed his nose and then tugged on their joined hands. He took the hint and moved her towards the bed. 

Kanan gently pushed Hera onto the bed. She bounced once and raised an eyebrow at him. He leaned down, Hera’s legs were spread to give him room, and let his mouth begin exploring her face. He kissed her nose, eyes, along her jaw, and her earcones. She withered under him, lifting her hips up to his. He began kissing and licking along her left lek and another gentle moan came out. 

Then he started working on taking off her clothes. Kanan looked down between them as he tried to figure out where to begin. “Your clothes are too complicated,” he grumbled after a few minutes of figuring out how her pants and vest were connected. Hera laughed and pushed her hips up against his again. He groaned at the friction—he was definitely hard now. He was sure she could feel what she was doing to him. “You aren’t making things easy, either.”

“Who said I was going to?” she teased, her voice filled with desire. Hera firmly pressed her hips up against his erection again. Kanan met her eyes and supressed another groan. This woman was going to be the death of him, he was sure. 

He finally managed to start getting the pieces of clothing off her. She helped get her pants off by wiggling her hips (though that almost distracted Kanan too much), her vest following quickly, and soon she was just in her shirt and underwear. She was resting on her forearms and looking up at him through her eyelashes. 

Kanan stood up and undid his pants. He discarded them and his boots before climbing back on top of Hera. She grabbed his face and crushed their lips together again. He drove his hips down to hers, his groin pressing strongly. Hera bucked against him and wrapped an arm around his head. He moved his hips against hers and dragged his hands up her bare legs. Slowly along her thighs, past her underwear, and then up her sides. He fumbled at the front of her shirt before pulling the zipper down. She shrugged it off and Kanan tossed it behind them. He then did the same to her bra.

Hera’s chest, rising and falling a bit erratically, was bare to him. Kanan smoothed his hand over her stomach, feeling the muscles tighten under his touch, before moving up to her breasts. He squeezed and played with her nipples, taking turns between each. Hera let a huff out and Kanan chuckled. Apparently he was moving too slowly for her, but could she blame him? He wanted to learn every aspect, every corner of her body. He never wanted to forget what she looked like. He lowered his mouth, taking a nipple into it. He changed between sucking and kissing around it, as he kneaded the other breast. Her hips moved up against his again and he groaned against her skin. 

Kanan looked up at her, a smile on his face. He moved up to kiss her quickly before starting the journey down her body. He kissed her neck, spending more time there then he had intended (“No marks!” Hera gasped). He moved to her chest again and reacquainted himself. He ran his hands along her sides again as he moved past her stomach. Kanan met her eyes again, asking for permission to go forward. Hera nodded and then said a breathy: “Yes.”

He dragged her underwear down her legs. He took his time, wanting to savour each inch of her body as he freed it. He dropped the article of clothing on the floor and took in the sight before him. Still resting up on her forearms, Hera laid out naked, completely open to him. There were no barriers with her today. Clothing was one thing, but her whole being was open to him. There was no mask on her face. She was there with him. 

Knees dropped to the floor and Kanan pulled Hera to the edge of the bed. He glanced up to her face, which was getting that beautiful dark green back in her cheeks and she nodded. Turning his attention back down in front of him, he breathed in deeply. The room was starting to smell of sweat and sex. He leaned in and let his tongue drag slowly across her folds. Hera’s hips jumped slightly before he placed a hand on them.

He worked away at her. His tongue flicking against her clit, constantly changing the pattern or occasionally dragging across the entirety of her core. Hera tried to move her hips against his mouth but he kept them still. As he started to suck on her clit, Kanan moved his other hand up and let a finger slip into her. He gently moved it in and out; setting a slow pace he knew Hera would be frustrated by. She groaned in frustration and he hummed against her body.

“What, still too slow?” he asked as he pulled his mouth away from her body. His finger stilled within her and he enjoyed how she clenched around it. 

“Stop…” she huffed out, trying to find her breath. “Stop teasing.”

“Teasing? How could you say I’m teasing,” Kanan’s eyes were gleaming. He lowered his mouth and once he was a breath away from her, he whispered, “I would never tease you.”

He felt the shiver travel through her and he started up picking away at her orgasm. Kanan’s tongue was rougher, though he’d never go too far. He dragged his finger out before inserting two. His fingers sped up. He started to drag his fingers across the top inside her and a moan rewarded him. Kanan wasn’t sure if he had started to smile again or if he had ever stopped. 

Once he had three fingers inside of her, Hera’s body went taut and Kanan helped her fall through her orgasm. They were both breathing hard, Hera running a hand across his head. She weaved her fingers into his hair and pulled the hair tie out. As the locks fell and framed his face, Kanan started to move back onto the bed. 

Hera’s fingers tightened on his head and she pulled him up over her. Their mouth connected and Kanan wondered how she felt about her taste all over his mouth. It was a wet and messy and beautiful kiss. Kanan would have been fine ending their night here, but Hera’s hands were traveling down his back. Her fingers tucked into the waistband of his underwear and she pulled away from his mouth to say, “Off.”

Together, they worked the underwear off. Once discarded like the rest of their clothing, the two of them stared at each other. They were sweaty, they were breathing heavily, they were more exposed than they had ever been with each other. Kanan hadn’t been this happy in a long time. 

As Kanan was looking over her body, Hera took her chance and flipped them over. Laughing as his back hit the bed, he ran his hands over her thighs. She was straddling him and Kanan decided this was a position he could see himself being very comfortable in. She held his gaze before she lifted her hips up and aligned Kanan’s cock. Slowly, as if to take revenge on him, Hera lowered herself onto him. She dragged it out as long as she could and Kanan was confident he was going to die in that moment. 

He lifted his head to look at where they were connected and groaned, his grip on her thighs tightening. Hera began to rock back and forth. Her hands were resting on his chest and her fingers were brushing through the speckling on chest hair there. She kept a steady pace. 

Kanan watched her every movement. He was mesmerized by her, though that was nothing new for him. She charmed him completely. She had him ensnared. He started thrusting into her, matching her time, speeding up ever so slowly with her. He would follow her down any path. Follow her throughout the galaxy. 

They moved against each other, groans escaping from Kanan periodically. Hera was silent now and closed her eyes as she picked up their pace. His hands made their way up to her breasts, playing with her nipples again. Her breath caught in her throat and she opened her eyes. Hera watched him from on top. She must have seen something, because she leaned down and caught his mouth with hers. She kissed him fiercely. There was so much of her in the kiss and Kanan gave all of himself back in his response. Everything he had been. Everything he was now. Everything he wanted to be for her.

As they kissed, as they moved, as they lived, a realization washed over Kanan. No, not a realization. Acceptance. He loved her. 

He froze underneath her—even his breath stopped. He was lying below her, this beautiful woman, and he had everything he had thought he wanted. But this was just what he had told himself he wanted. He wanted more than just her. He wanted to be hers. Kanan wanted to belong to Hera. He wanted her to entrap him and never let go. He wanted her to love him back. Kanan’s head fell back against the pillows and he just stared up at Hera. 

Hera. 

Hera.

 _Hera_.

She pulled away from his face and her brows knitted together. Her movement stilled and she rested a gentle hand on his cheek. She searched his eyes and rubbed her thumb against his face. “Kanan, are you okay?”

He finally started breathing again and frowned. Quickly, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, his lips crashing against hers. One of his hands went against the back of her head between where the base of her lekku. He began to stroke a lek with his other hand. Kanan surged up. Hera gasped into the kiss, her hands now gripping his shoulders. His thrusts into her were faster and harder than the pace they had set earlier. 

Kanan held onto Hera tightly—he was afraid that if he let go he’d fall. But then she started whispering in his ear; telling him to let go, to meet her, to finish. And that was all it took. With a final thrust, Kanan spilled himself inside her.

They lay there, Hera on top of him, breathing heavily. It took awhile for either was able to move or talk. They just allowed themselves to exist in this moment together.

Hera was the first to move. She propped herself up with her forearms on his torso and smiled down at him. She shifted her legs and sighed gently as he slipped out of her. Her feet tangled with his. Hera started to trace random designs on his chest as she watched him.

And then Kanan groaned. He draped his arm over his eyes and just let all the air in him escape.

“Kanan?”

“Hera, I can’t do this,” he whispered, afraid to take his arm away. She waited for him to keep talking and he was grateful to her. He took a minute to collect his thoughts and started to explain. “I can’t do this. I thought… Hera, I thought I wasn’t in love with you. That casual sex would be perfect. I thought I could be exactly what you need. But I can’t. I’m in love with you.

“I’m not asking you to be with me in that way. I accept that you can’t be there for someone like that. I understood when you told me. I understand it now. But I do love you.”

Kanan squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could under his arm. He didn’t want her to see him. 

An affectionate hand touched his arm. He breathed in as it lifted the arm away from his face. Kanan opened his eyes to Hera’s kind face smiling at him. She leaned forward and placed a small and soft kiss on his lips. 

“Then we don’t do this.”

It was so simple. Just like that Hera had brought him back, again, into the world. His worries were falling behind him, for now, and he could just be. Just like that he loved her even more. 

“You’re not mad?” he asked sheepishly.

He was given laughter in response. Any pain he was feeling from this realization was washed away by the musical tones. Hera flicked his nose as she tried to get herself and her laughter under control. “Kanan, why would I be mad at you?”

Watching her face, Kanan wondered. Did she love him? He knew there was something between them, something more than casual. He also knew what he felt was definitely stronger. But… did she have anything she could offer, in a different life? He opened his mouth to ask but promptly stopped himself. It didn’t need to be asked, not right now. Hera could keep that part of herself hidden, if it was even there. 

Kanan let out a sigh and sat up, placing Hera gently next to him. “I’ll go back to my room,” he muttered. He moved to throw his legs off the side of the bed but Hera grabbed him. He looked back as she started shaking her head.

“Don’t be dramatic,” she whispered. She pulled him back down next to her. 

They fumbled with the blankets before finally settling in for the night.

Kanan listened to Hera’s breathing as he drifted to sleep. His fingers were gently gliding up and down her arm. Her face was resting on his chest, her chest pressing into his side.

He fell asleep thinking that it was okay if this never happened again, at least he got to experience Hera completely for a moment.

•

Hera sighed and smoothed the lines forming on Kanan’s face. He startled at her touch; he hadn’t heard her start to move. Her fingers danced across his skin, drawing out any tension she saw. He closed his eyes: letting himself relax as much as he could given the situation he put himself in. She worked on him until she was happy with what she saw. Then Hera started running her fingers through his hair.

“It was and it wasn’t,” Hera began. Kanan felt her shift. She had rolled off of him and pressed her body against his side. He snaked an arm under her and started rubbing the back of her head. “I didn’t wake up that morning thinking I wanted to have sex with you. But once we were alone in the room, I just decided that I did.”

Kanan hummed his acknowledgement, letting the answer sink in. He had figured that had been the case, though he had also enjoyed the thought of Hera carefully planning how to make such an offer to him. 

“I’m glad we did that, even if it didn’t go how we expected,” Hera whispered.

“What did you expect?”

“I thought you were going to take advantage of the situation and try to convince me to, oh I don’t know, marry you,” she answered, pinching his cheek. The warmth in her voice was intoxicating as she teased him. “I was pretty sure you were in love with me by then.” 

He laughed. “Well, you were right about the in love with you part, considering how that night had ended.” Kanan rested his cheek against her head. “Do you think you could have pulled it off, the whole casual sex thing?”

“Honestly?” Hera said. “No. I was grateful that you had admitted it wasn’t going to work.”

He nodded. They lay quietly together, their warm bodies tangled and relaxed. Kanan began to wonder aloud, for the first time in many years, “Were you in love with me then?”

Hera shook her head and laughed. “Go to sleep,” she muttered, patting his cheek. “We need to sleep, I’m sure tomorrow will be just as busy as usual.”

Kanan chuckled. He sunk into the bunk more, pulling Hera closer. He was fine not knowing. He had to let the past stay in the past. He couldn’t hold on to what had been between them, especially since there was not a single thing he would change in his journey with Hera. He ran his hand over her and was content allowing sleep and the new day come to them.

A few moments later, Kanan heard her whisper, “I don’t know. I didn’t know how I felt about you then, I just knew I couldn’t lose you.”

He smiled and kissed her head. “You never will.” 

And he believed that.

**Author's Note:**

> Can one be both 100% proud and 100% embarrassed of the same work?
> 
> I'm really proud of how this turned out. Originally, this was not nearly as thoughtful and it was just going to be smut for the sake of smut, but then I read over my notes and decided what i had was crap, so I worked it A LOT. This final product is so much better than what I had originally planned.
> 
> I'm also 100% embarrassed because oh boy did it get a lot steamier than I had thought it would once I went for the emotional journey route.


End file.
